Dr Stromboli Bones x Timbob: Sadism and Shrooms
by NeckbeardChronicle
Summary: I did it again and probably will continue to. Enjoy the fruits of my sins.


Despite the constant turmoil between champions fighting on the Rift and in the League overall, they have lives outside of their Summoner-service. In fact many lead really successful careers and give back to their communities. Caitlyn and Vi fight crime in Piltover, Ezreal totally doesn't belong in a fucking museum, and Yasuo wanders around wondering about photosynthesis and shit, yellin "HACKYSACK"

However, serious business can go down when the matches are done. Business doesn't stop for anyone. So basically Mundo (Corporate of course, being jacked full of needles doesn't scream "professional" or some shit) is the head of soft-serve in Zaun. Mundo's Nice Tips leads the market in nicely curled soft-serve tips while there isn't even a cone to hold it. You use your hands.

Mundo made a business venture- exactly what the fuck were you expecting in the first place anyway.

But today is a special day for Mundo. Today he gets to take the train into Bandle City to have dinner with his Yordle associate Teemo. Teemo leads the nation in cupcakes shaped ironically like his own mushrooms. Unfortunately for most customers, they couldn't be psilocybin for long and go undetected by the law. Cho'Gath came in for lunch, started tripping out after a baker's dozen, and ended up eating half the city; some kind of King Kong shit before he got put down. Fuck.

Regardless, there's been talk of a merger. Teemo and Mundo meet at 's Home Eats to discuss possible deals between Yordle Corp. Inc. LLC. Cupcakes and Nice Tips. The good doc finds the place darkly lit, with the hum of couples conversing lightly over the evening, candlelight reflecting around the tables. A table in the corner with two placeholders sits vacant. The smartly dressed Yordle waiter manages to get Mundo's attention and gestures towards the table. He follows eagerly.

Unfortunately for him, the waiter decided to try pouring Mundo a glass and not giving him the bottle. Janitors would later find him folded up like some origami shit beneath a table.

Teemo struts in like he owns the place with Tristana tryin' to get some. He pushes the bitch off because that's gay and this a STRAIGHT ESTABLISHMENT!

Stromboli Bones found himself captivated by the tiny badger's poise and determination to be a piece of shit in every moment of his life. Teemo slowly took off his sunglasses and looked the hulking purple nerd over. He propositioned Mundo out of the restaurant with the bread basket.

At this time the sun is beginning to set in Bandle City.

"Where going?" he asks, swiping cleaver after cleaver at the elusive Yordle.

"Don't worry about that, I just hope you brought that suitcase!" Mundo nods, but in the effort to open it and show Teemo, it falls.

The clasps open and Teemo picks it up. Hundreds of pictures of Teemo plaster the inside of the suitcase with more spilling out. Over them lays a dull shade of white film, cracked and flaky. Mundo felt a pit of fear and anxiety clench in his stomach, looking at his sempai with a furious blush and tied tongue.

"Mundo..."

"Yes?"  
"Mundo..."

"Say it you fucking meme."

"MUNDO LOVE KAWAII YORDLES" he screams.

Teemo's eyes sparkle and he loosens his tie. Mundo looks down in shame and fear, rubbing his forearm with his hand.

"An alley in my hometown will certainly do. Hey Mundo, here's a cupcake!" The small creature tosses the hulking mass a very suspicious-looking cupcake. Realizing he hadn't eaten any actual dinner besides the little shit waiter's fingers, he crams it down immediately.

Colors bloomed, he felt his knees blessedly give out and strike the alley's cold floor.

"A fellow top laner and competitor? What better way to get revenge on the viable ones that always get chosen. I'm the most played though, which makes sense considering my sexy little bod." Teemo tosses his tie and jacket on top of Mundo, who drools and claws at the ground.

"MUNDO HEAR COLORS TASTE SOUNDS"

"In that little treat was an aphrodisiac and a paralytic! So you'll get all bothered and not live out your sick Yordle bum-busting fantasies!"

Teemo removes his pants and tears off Mundo's already-tattered dress pants. Mundo's ass is surprisingly tone, like he works out his glutes with other lads at the gym. Maybe squats. Maybe using an ab blaster creatively. Maybe furious anal acrobatics. Who's to say?

"You see, I've been developing a fifth level of my movement speed boost! The first ever. The pinnacle of going pretty quick."

He places himself inside Mundo's considerable backside with comical ease.

"While I may not be much in size, get ready!"

Teemo begins thrusting back in forth. Slowly going from a steady buck into a wild and violent slamming. The increase of speed is exponential to the point at which he becomes a blur and wind sweeps the alley. Mundo's blush turns to an agonized look of misery.

"HERE WE GO"

Teemo appears to cease moving, heat radiates throughout the alley in furious waves. Mundo looks behind him as the drug begins to weaken. He sees brilliant light fill his eyes and a scarring sight- his ass cheeks dissolving in the purifying light of Teemo pounding him through the fabric of time and space. Burning Agony's orange flames erupt around his prostrate form. Masochism's strength flows through his veins. In that moment he has never experienced as much fear, love, and joy before, or since that evening.

Teemo stops abruptly and Mundo's vaporization ceases too. "A cooldown? What? WAIT"

Mundo seizes his Yordle adversary with more lust than he could bear, his tattered pants bursting to bits with the might of a young grizzly bear's first mating season, like a Nashor's Tooth on Udyr or some shit, you get it.

His ass fills out to what it once was as he feels his might returning and his stamina flowing.

Teemo, for the first time that evening, feels the cold touch of fear.

Mundo presents himself to Teemo before cramming himself inside his business partner's insides. At the first thrust, the audible crack of bones popping fills his ears. His knees against concrete and the force of Mundo getting pushy was too much to bear.

The second thrust was the last. Purple shoots all around in a splash and bursts Teemo's tiny form with a violent pop. Mundo's picks up his briefcase once more, eyeing the torn pelt of his lover, enemy, and victim.

Steps sound at the edge of the alley, and Yasuo strolls in, looking determined at a small card. "4th street and-" he locks eyes with Mundo for an instant.

"AW FUCK"

He leaves just as fucking confused as he came in, screaming "I'SJUSTLOOKINFORAROADHOME"


End file.
